A Life of Lies
by Percyjacksonfan3
Summary: The scene where Odin finally tells Loki the truth about his parentage from Thor. When he finally confirms what Loki feared all along. I may follow up with chapter sequels or other one-shots so could you please read this one and tell me what to improve? It's good, I promise. Lot's of Loki emotions!


**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. **

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As Loki raised the Casket of Ancient Winters before him he could practically feel his father's presence behind him. Even with his mind in the state that it was now Loki could tell it was Odin, the Allfather- his father. Even in his confusion and suspicions forming in his mind Loki felt him.

The metal was cool in his hands and the power coming from the casket was enough to make Loki curious, enough to make him want to use it, to try it.

To control it.

Greed pricked at the very center of his being and all thoughts of Thor, the Warrior's Three, Sif and Loki's past deeds were erased from his mind. All he knew in that moment was that this was _his_.

"Stop!"

The command rang out through the room powerful and deep and Loki, although he didn't show it (he never showed it, never gave away his true thoughts or feelings to anybody except himself) was startled out of his thoughts. And as soon as he was all of his worries and doubt came rushing back to him.

He still didn't draw his gaze away, but he could feel his skin tingle and out of his peripheral vision he saw that skin turn blue.

Frost Giant blue.

"Am I cursed?" He asked, and oh how badly he wanted his father to say yes. To appease his deepest fear and tell him that he was in fact cursed and not- not what he feared himself to be.

Suddenly he felt like a desperate little boy, worrying himself sick over something. Fear and hope raged inside Loki, taking over him.

For the first time in years Loki was scared.

This wasn't something he could cast a spell on and change. This was no illusion and he couldn't talk his way out of this one. This was him and who he was. His very being, where he came from. No matter how bad he wanted to, Loki couldn't change this. He couldn't think of a way out of this.

The truth would be revealed in the Allfather's answer. Maybe that was why he hesitated-only ever so slightly-to speak it.

"No."

To Loki it seemed that the word resounded around the room- or maybe it was in himself. Every doubt and fear that he had ever thought came back to him, every slight of his parents, every unfair judgement when it came to Thor. Every moment Loki felt apart from his family and alone. Every time Loki felt deep in the very center of who he was that this was not where he belonged, this was not his home or what he should be doing.

Deep inside of him Loki felt something shake loose and change into doubt. Everything he had known his entire life- gone. A lie.

He took deep breaths, trying to stop the enslaught of what he felt was coming. He needed to get back under control, needed to breath.

Loki needed to hear Odin say it.

"What am I?" He managed to say although his usually quick tongue felt like lead and he could feel the tears prick at the corners of his eyes. Although his chest felt constricted and he wasn't sure if his heart was even beating anymore, Loki managed to say the words.

But as soon as he did he wished he could take them back. Suddenly the fear overtook him, erased everything else, even the little voice in his head saying that all Odin, Frigga and Thor had ever done was l_ove_ him. Fear filled him and Loki was a scared little boy again who didn't want to know the truth because he knew just how much that truth would break him.

The casket made a sound when it hit the pedastool that pierced through Loki's mind, managing to startle him into some sort of rational thinking. Enough to hear and make sense of Odin's next words.

"You are my son," the Allfather said and Loki had to draw a deep breath to try to pretend that those words didn't affect him at all.

He dropped his hands from the casket and turned around and the widening of Odin's eye sent a hurt through him that Loki had never felt in all his years. The surprise, the fear... the revulsion.

It killed a part of him. Something Loki hadn't even known was in danger, something he hadn't been thinking to protect.

But again he hid all of his feelings away and turned his emotions into anger, into fury. It wasn't hard, it had been bubbling beneath the surface the entire time, and it was easier for Loki to feel anger than to feel all of this absolute, unclouded pain.

"What more than that," he asked and his words did come out harsher than before. Somehow he couldn't find it in himself to be sorry for them.

His skin was changing again, he could feel it but he could also see it in the way Odin's stare changed from revulsion to sorrow. He knew from the Allfather's stare that Odin was not going to answer yet and Loki hated him all the more for it. This was not the time for people to refuse to answer him, Loki needed someone- anyone- right now and the only current person in the room stood there and watched him like a- like a father watching his overprotected son.

Loki stepped forward, slowly, carefully, planned steps. He would not run like he wanted, forced his voice to remain below a yell, and kept his facade alive- kept every emotion hidden as best he could.

Despite his best efforts he could feel Odin staring into his eyes. This time he could not hide his feelings all the way. His eyes displayed every little thing he was fighting not to feel right now. No matter how badly Loki tried to push the emotions away and focus on something else he couldn't.

Because this was his whole world being taken from him right before his eyes.

Looking into Odin's eyes Loki felt none of the comfort he usually did. He felt no fatherly love coming from the man before him, felt nothing but his lies. Loki saw almost from Odin's view how badly what he had done affected his son.

"The Casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?" Odin's gaze was heavy now and it took every piece of willpower that Loki still had not to look away and stop talking. The Allfather's eye was begging Loki not to say any more, to stop and pretend and think.

Loki would have no more of it. He was done being lied to, done being treated like a lesser being than everybody else. He had never been good enough, he would never have compared to Thor no matter how much he tried.

He just wished they would have told him from the beginning that he had never had a chance. Maybe that would have hurt less than feeling all of the hope in him wither and die in an instant.

Loki kept walking but it was getting harder. Thankfully he had nearly reached the steps leading to where Odin was standing and as Loki continued to force himself to look into his eye he sent out a silent challenge and made a silent promise.

Odin would have to speak next. Loki would wait to see what his answer was before letting himself believe what deep down he already knew to be true. Really the god of mischeif had never needed Odin's spoken answer- the truth was clear in his eye.

He had reached the stairs when Odin finally spoke. "No."

Loki remained silent but he felt the waves upon waves of emotion onslaughting him. His wall was cracking, crumbling. Soon it would be completely broken.

Of course it had been him. He had never been Thor's equal no matter how many times his parents told him he was. He had never been a true part of this family- oh gods he didn't even belong on this planet.

He had been taken and lied to his entire life. His family had lied to him.

He drew in a breath. But they had never been his family, had they? Not really.

Loki had no family.

Odin continued to speak as if he didn't see his son breaking before his very eyes. More words came from him and each one was like a physical blow that broke Loki more and more.

"In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the temple... and I found a baby."

Loki closed his eyes and suddenly he saw it all so clearly. A blue-skinned monster being held up by the golden Allfather of Asgard. The young creature's skin turning from the color of death to the color of life the moment the king made contact. Him crying.

Him. Loki. The creature.

The monster.

"Small for a giant's offspring. Abandoned to suffering, left to die." Another pause so quick Loki barely caught it. "Laufey's son."

Loki looked away from Odin just as the Allfather turned his eye back to his son. Unshed tears were on Loki's eyes and he didn't have the strength to fight them anymore. In fact his mind could barely process what had just been said.

Laughey's son.

Suddenly it all made sense now. How Odin could be so truthful when he said both Loki and Thor were born to be kings. Why Thor was always the favourite, why Loki had never really looked anything like the rest of his family.

Thor was born to be king of Asguard. Loki- well Loki was born to be a king of a planet filled with monsters that mothers told children stories about to scare them.

Loki himself was one of those monsters. The rightful _king_ of monsters.

A frost giant.

Hope being crushed inside your very being was such a fierce feeling that Loki couldn't even let himself feel the full extent of it. If he did he was sure to collapse, to break right then and there.

But then again, who's to say that he wasn't already breaking? Wasn't already broken?

Maybe he was. Maybe he had been all along.

"Laughey's son," he thought the words again but they came from his mouth unbidden and Loki heard how confused and unsure he was. His voice was stripped of it's cool demeanor, suddenly it was bare. This was Loki speaking. Not the Loki he tried to portray to others, no, this was _him_.

He looked up again to Odin, wanting him to deny it. His eyes were misting again even as they made contact with the eye of the man who had pretended to be his father for years. What Odin said next condemned Loki to a fate that he had never imagined for himself. What Odin said next killed a part of him that had still been hanging on to some small measure of hope and denial.

"Yes."

One small word. Three inconsequential letters. Yet it made all the difference in the world to Loki.

He suddenly couldn't breath, he was taking deep breaths but it seemed like the air just wouldn't reach his lungs. It wasn't true, it wasn't right.

But Loki knew it was. Knew the look in Odin's eye and the tone of his voice that brooked no arguement. This was the truth. The thing Loki had been searching for his entire life. This was what he had wanted- no, what he had _needed_- to know.

Now he didn't want any part of it. But he was Loki, so he still had to know. No matter how much it hurt him.

"Why?" He asked, sounding like the scared little boy he hadn't been in years. "You were knee deep in Jotun blood, why would you take me?"

Because it had been him. Not even Loki could think of a way to deny that. Of course it had been him.

He hated himself. In that moment he hated himself more than anyone on any world had hated themselves and the only thing that kept Loki where he was was the need for answers.

"You were an innocent child," Odin explained with a voice so soft it made Loki want to scream. That voice had comforted him as a boy, had soothed many worries from adulthood. Odin would use that voice now?

Loki hated him for it.

"No," he denied. "You took me for a purpose." Another deep breath, trying to reign in everything he was feeling and thinking. "What was it?"

Silence followed and as Loki met the eye of the man who he had loved with all his heart and aspired to be like all his life, Loki finally cracked. While Odin just stood there watching him, Loki broke before his very eyes.

"Tell me!" He yelled, imploring his father. The person who Loki had always tried to impress, had always wanted to make proud. His father figure.

Loki cringed inside. How wrong he had been. His whole life was a lie.

Odin stared at him and Loki hated what he saw on the old man's face. Despite everything Odin still looked at Loki like he always had, like he was a son who just needed to be helped. Odin still looked at Loki with love.

Maybe that was what hurt and confused Loki most of all. That face would haunt him for nights and days and weeks and months.

Odin answered, finally, but the words just hurt Loki more and more. "I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about a permanent peace." Another pause and Loki couldn't look away and every word was a physical pain, like a spear being thrust through him. "Through you."

His breathing became even more erratic and Loki was now more lost than ever. "Wha-" He couldn't even finish that one word. Odin hadn't felt some connection to him, hadn't wanted a new son. Odin had only wanted to use Loki, had only cared about his kingdom... a kingdom that Loki didn't even belong to.

Odin didn't seem to find anything wrong, the Allfather kept speaking and Loki was forced to listen. "But those plans no longer matter."

Loki couldn't take it any more. If Odin wouldn't see just how hurt and lost he was feeling Loki would make him see. Would make him understand. And somewhere deep inside himself Loki hoped Odin could comfort him as he had done in the past. Would make everything okay.

"So I'm no more than another stolen relic," he spoke haltingly and jarringly and it was a sick satisfaction Loki felt when he saw Odin flinch at the words. "Locked up here, until you might have use of me."

It was not a question because Loki already knew it to be true. This was a realization and that pierced Loki to the core.

"Why do you twist my words?" Odin said and there was a note of desperation in his voice that made Loki think that maybe he was finally understanding what was happening.

"You could have told me what I was from the beginning," Loki answered him with a tone that brooked no arguement. A tone that spoke a truth even he didn't want to accept. "Why didn't you?" He asked.

"You are my son," Odin replied.

Another lie. One that both men in the room wanted to believe but in the end it would always be a lie. Loki had never been Odin's son and Odin would never be Loki's father. Not really.

Loki was all alone. The people he had thought of as family had been ripped away from him in less than a few minutes, and all by a few words.

Betrayal is not something to be taken lightly, no matter how small of a matter it is, and Loki suddenly realized that all in an instant. This was something he couldn't handle, not by himself. This was something Loki couldn't stand.

"I wanted only to protect you from the truth."

"What?" Loki asked helplessly. "Cause I-I-I'm a monster that parents tell their children about at night?" Something that could not be reigned in swept through and overtook and him and Loki suddenly couldn't feel anything happy anymore, couldn't think of anything in this world that didn't make him absolutely sick to his stomach. Everything was a lie, everything about him was wrong. He was a monster- something unnatural and cold.

An abomination.

"No-" Odin tried to protest but Loki was done listening, finished being overspoken and overshadowed. Anger filled him and clouded his mind so much that he didn't even notice the look of pain on Odin's face.

"You know it all makes sense now," he bit out savagely, "why you favoured Thor all these years. Because no matter how much you claimed to love me you couldn't have a frost giant sitting on the throne of Asguard!"

As the words left his mouth Odin staggered and reached out for him but Loki just stared, unable to do anything except fill with thoughts of hurt and hate for the man before him.

Inelligible words came from Odin and Loki couldn't find it in himself to care what they were.

Odin lay on the stairs and Loki hovered over him, the anger slowly fading from him to be replaced with concern and worry. He was scared to touch him now, scared that Odin would be revolted and that he would hurt him. Finally he placed a hand on Odin's lightly though, too overcome with concern to just kneel there beside him.

When he touched Odin's skin Loki felt no physical difference from any other time he had done so but emotionally everything had changed. Thankfully it only took a light touch for Loki to deduce something was definitely wrong.

"Guards!" The shout was ripped from him and Loki couldn't draw his eyes away. Maybe they would mistake the tears in his eyes for worry, hopefully they would. After everything that had happened Loki still had a reputation to uphold, still had a persona to carry with him and show to others. "Guards please!"

Odin had seen the truth of Loki for a moment but Loki made sure that was gone now. Letting people in was a weakness. A weakness Loki couldn't afford to forget about right now.

No matter how much he may want to.

"Help!"

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**So normally I wouldn't be big into Marvel stuff (except Iron Man, but c'mon that's Robert Downey Jr.) but I have developed a serious passion for Loki since watching Thor 2. Now I'll probably be doing more one-shots from scenes from the movies )I'm thinking a couple Avengers scenes, lot's from Thor a Dark World... so let me know if you guys liked this one and tell me what to improve for the up and coming sequels!**

**Thanks for reading, reviews are much appreciated! **

**Love you all!**

**Percyjacksonfan3**


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